Weekenders in High School: Sophmore Year
by Harlequin2
Summary: CHAPTER 5 IS UP. SORRY THIS TOOK 6 MONTHS! Animosity between the group grows and the group begins to mature in a year fraught with change.
1. Seperate Ways

Author's Note: This takes place from where Weekenders In High School: Freshman Year left off, so be sure to be familiar with that.  
  
(TUESDAY, 9:45, TINO'S HOUSE, CARVER and TINO'S MOM stare at each other in horror.)  
  
CARVER: OH MY GOSH! I'M SO SO SORRY! I don't know what I was thinking!  
  
TINO'S MOM: No, Carver. I initiated it, I was just so upset about Dixon. I can't believe I did that, I mean, I'm not even attracted to you.  
  
CARVER: Well. let's not say things we can't take back.  
  
TINO'S MOM: Carver.  
  
CARVER: Yeah, sorry. Oh my god, Tino must be going NUTS! What're we going to do? Someone's going to have to talk him down, and he's not going to want to talk to me.  
  
TINO'S MOM: You? Any anger he has to you, he's going to feel to me ten- fold.  
  
CARVER: I somehow doubt that.  
  
(TUESDAY, 9:58, TISH'S front door, TINO rings the doorbell, TISH answers it. TINO immediately enters the house)  
  
TISH: Tino? What're you-  
  
TINO: Hi Tish, how're you?  
  
TISH: Um. okay.  
  
TINO: Yeah, that's 'cause nobody's making out with your Mom! [TINO notices TISH'S MOM is in the room for the first time] Hi, Mrs. Katsufrakis.  
  
TISH: Don't tell me, you walked in on your mom and Dixon making out and you got all. you-like.  
  
TINO: Oh no! No. I've gotten past that.  
  
TISH (non-believingly): Oh?  
  
TINO: Yes. I still run from the room, but I've managed to stop shouting, "LEAVE MY MOMMY ALONE!" Anyways, this is much worse than that.  
  
TISH: So it doesn't have to do with your Mom making out, because when you sa-  
  
TINO: Oh, oh, it has to do with my Mom making out. But it's who that frightens me, and it wasn't Dixon.  
  
TISH: Oh god! I was afraid this would happen. She was with that blonde woman, Lor and I saw her cuddling with on the beach that one time, wasn't she?  
  
TINO: No, it was-Wait. what?  
  
TISH: Oh. that wasn't it. well, good thing I was joking. So, who was it?  
  
TINO: Carver!  
  
TISH: You're joking!  
  
TINO: I am doing no such thing! I walked in from dropping you off and there he was, making out with my Mom!  
  
TISH: Tino, are you sure? You have a tendancy to over-react. Remember that time your Mom ran into Coach Collsen in the supermarket and you called the police claiming he was a stalker who was trying to rape your mother?  
  
TINO: Hey, eventually he'll be revealed for the sexual predator he is.  
  
TISH: The point is, Tino, that are you absolutely sure they were making out?  
  
TINO: That isn't exactly a thing you can be mistaken about, they made out.  
  
TISH: Well. I can't believe Carver would do this, worse I can't believe your MOM would do this.  
  
TINO: I think Carver probably drugged her.  
  
TISH: You don't think it's possible your Mom initiated it?  
  
TINO: MY MOM WOULD NEVER DO THAT!  
  
TISH: I'm just saying, you should give Carver the benefit of the doubt. He is a good friend. At any rate you should talk to them about it.  
  
TINO: How could I talk to my Mom about this! Do you know how awkward that would be? And Carver's my best friend, this is just so weird!  
  
TISH: Wait, I'm not your best friend?  
  
TINO: Not the time, Tish. You know what I want to do? I want to find him and kick his ass. will you help me?  
  
TISH: Look, just talk to them. I promise it'll do you good.  
  
TINO: It's late I'd better get back.  
  
TISH: Okay. Love you.  
  
TINO: Love you too. And Tish, I just want you to know that I would never make out with your Mom, under any circumstances. [To TISH'S MOM] Bye Mrs. Katsufrakis. [HE leaves.]  
  
(TUESDAY, 10:12 PM, TINO enters the house, TINO'S MOM is there, alone, pacing back and forth, she spots TINO who is heading up stairs)  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino, I am so sorry! Dixon and I had broke up and I was distraught and-  
  
[Without saying a word TINO continues upstairs and shuts his door. TINO'S MOM sits on the couch, buries her head in her hands and begins to cry.]  
  
(WEDNESDAY, 10:28 AM, CARVER'S house, CARVER sits on the couch by himself flipping through the channels on TV, HE hears the doorbell ring. HE answers it. It's LOR.)  
  
LOR: You alone?  
  
CARVER: Except for Todd, yeah.  
  
LOR: What were you thinking, dude!!!  
  
CARVER: I'm guessing you heard.  
  
LOR: Yeah, Tish called me this morning. Have you lost your mind?  
  
CARVER: Is it really that bad?  
  
LOR: If it was a sister, I might've been with you. Maybe a hot-looking aunt. But a mom? You really crossed the line, dude.  
  
CARVER: You're right. I feel terrible. Tino must be going nuts. Have you talked to him?  
  
LOR (bitterly): No, apparently Tish thinks she should handle Tino and I should handle you. So I suppose you haven't talked to him either?  
  
CARVER: Nah. I wanted to call him, but I didn't have the nerve too. I'm not going to ever be able to hang out with him again, you know?  
  
LOR: Really?  
  
CARVER: If he'd made out with my mom, he'd be lucky I didn't kill him. I can't ever expect him to talk to me again.  
  
LOR: So what'll happen? How're we going to be able to hang out with Tino and you?  
  
CARVER: Well. maybe. I should take a step-back from the group.  
  
LOR: Carver, no!  
  
CARVER: One of us is going to have to, and sure as hell shouldn't have to be him.  
  
LOR: Dude. this sucks. But it may not have to come to that, just. give it some time, okay? I'll talk to Tish after she finds out how Tino's doing and let you know, okay?  
  
CARVER: Alright, seeya, Lor.  
  
LOR: Seeya. [SHE leaves.]  
  
(WEDNESDAY, 11:09 AM, TINO'S house, TINO'S MOM sits on the couch, the TV's on but she's not paying attention to it, the doorbell rings. TINO'S MOM answers it, it's TISH.)  
  
TINO'S MOM: Oh. Hi Tish. Tino's upstairs.  
  
TISH: Okay. Um, Ms. Tonitini, I don't know if it's my place. but can I say something?  
  
[TINO'S MOM nods.]  
  
TISH: You really did a very stupid thing.  
  
[TINO'S MOM nods again.]  
  
TISH: Okay, I just felt I needed to say that. [SHE heads upstairs, to TINO'S room. SHE knocks on the door. No answer. SHE knocks again. No answer.] Tino? It's me.  
  
TINO'S VOICE: Oh, come in.  
  
[TISH does so. SHE finds him sitting on his bed, reading]  
  
TISH: Hey you, how you holding up?  
  
TINO: Me? I'm hunky-dory, thanks for asking. Haven't left the room in more then twelve-hours, but hunky-dory.  
  
TISH: You haven't left the door in twelve-hours. What about going to the bathroom?  
  
TINO: Well, I didn't want to risk seeing my Mom is I left so I've just sort of held it. I haven't had to go really bad because I haven't eaten or drunk anything in the past twelve-hours either.  
  
TISH: Tino, you can't go on like this! Eventually you're going to have to talk to her, she's your mother! Actually, I've been thinking about it, and I'm 15 years old, I think I'm past the age where communication with my mother is a must.  
  
TINO: No, no, I'm serious.  
  
TISH: Is there anything I can do?  
  
TINO: I don't think so.  
  
TISH (grinning): I think I know what could cheer you up  
  
TINO (sulkily): No, anything that has to do with that makes me think of Carver and my mom.  
  
TISH: Look, I'm going to leave if you're going to be like this. TALK TO YOUR MOM! Okay? Bye.  
  
[SHE kisses him on the cheek and leaves. TINO sits on the bed for a moment, and slowly gets up and walks downstairs. TINO'S MOM notices him and stands up, staring worriedly. There's silence as they stare at each other, until.]  
  
TINO: .Hey.  
  
TINO'S MOM: .You mean that?  
  
TINO: Yeah, I guess.  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino, I'm so sorry. Dixon and I had just broken up, I was distraught. I'm not remotely attracted to Carver.  
  
TINO: Right.  
  
TINO'S MOM: I would have kissed anyone at that stage of vulnerability. if it had been Lor I would have-  
  
TINO: Not the direction to go, Mom.  
  
TINO'S MOM: Right, right, I'm just. sorry.  
  
TINO: I understand. Just think next time. I don't have enough friends that I can lose one every time you break up with a guy.  
  
TINO'S MOM: What do you mean lose one? You're not going to stop being friends with-  
  
TINO: Maternal advice, *really*?  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino, you've been friends with Car-  
  
TINO: Hey Mom, who's the blonde woman Tish said she saw you cuddling with on the beach?  
  
[Long pause.]  
  
TINO'S MOM: Okay, so, you're not friends with Carver anymore, that's understandable.  
  
(THURSDAY, 3:04 PM, Pizza Place, TINO, TISH and LOR sit.)  
  
TINO: So this is great, eh? The three of us, eating a pizza?  
  
TISH: Yeah, I hardly notice that there's a seat sitting there ominously empty.  
  
LOR: Er. Tino. By the way. I sort of invited Carver.  
  
TINO: WHAT? I can't talk to him! How could you do that?  
  
LOR: Well, I just. I felt bad for him, you know?  
  
TINO: Felt bad for him?!? He made out with my mom! Look, guys, I can't deal with him right now, I'd hope you'd be able to accept that.  
  
LOR: Alright, alright, I'm sorry.  
  
TINO: Okay.  
  
[Camera moves away from the to show the outside of the pizza place, CARVER walks the door , about to walk in, HE stops and watches the three of them for a second through the window, he hesitates for a second, and then turns slowly and begins to walk back up the sidewalk.] 


	2. Divided We Fall

TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER  
  
[MONDAY, 1:39 PM, Prenuptial Pizza, TINO, TISH and LOR sit at a table. PIZZA GUY approaches.]  
  
PIZZA GUY: Do you three, take this pizza, to have and to eat, in freshness or in staleness, as long as before it's eaten?  
  
TINO, TISH and LOR: We do.  
  
PIZZA GUY: Then, by the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you group and pizza. You may kiss the pie.  
  
[TINO, TISH and LOR stare]  
  
PIZZA GUY: Kiss it!  
  
[LOR shrugs and gives it a little peck on the crust.]  
  
PIZZA GUY: CONGRATULATIONS  
  
[HE throws some rice at them and leaves]  
  
TINO: Okay everybody, as you both know school starts tomorrow which I believe is the most opportune time to start looking for a replacement Carver.  
  
TISH: A replacement Carver? Tino, you're being ridiculous.  
  
LOR: Well, not that ridiculous, after all, Tish is just a replacement Lucy.  
  
TISH: Wait. what? Who's Lucy?  
  
LOR (suddenly getting choked up): Remember Lucy?  
  
TINO (teary-eyed as well): How could I forget? Just a poor, kind girl who thought the ice was thick enough to go skating.  
  
LOR: With her last breath she recommended 'that foreign girl', to be her replacement, and so we met you.  
  
TISH: Um. sorry.  
  
LOR: Oh, it's okay Tish. You're still here, and Lucy's up there looking down on us. (SHE begins to sob) I sure hope it sounds right to the Lord because it sure as hell doesn't sound right to me! (SHE runs away sobbing.)  
  
[Awkward pause]  
  
TINO: So. um. Prenuptial Pizza. kind of a misnomer. 'cause you know. I mean it's just weddings. no pre-nups. Oh hey look is that a window?  
  
[LOR returns, having regained her composure.]  
  
TISH: So. I ran into Carver the other day.  
  
[LOR pays attention, TINO tries his hardest to act un-interested.]  
  
LOR: Where?  
  
TISH: I was renting a movie with my parents and he was there with some people.  
  
TINO: What people?  
  
TISH: Um. Brie, Colby, Pru and some other people.  
  
TINO: Okay. well. good for him. Maybe when we get our new Carver, he won't be so quick to sell out his friends.  
  
TISH: TINO! You're the one who didn't want to hang out with HIM!  
  
TINO: HE KISSED MY MOM!  
  
TISH: Yes, yes, it's weird, we all get it, okay?!?  
  
[Another awkward pause, TINO folds his arms and looks away, TISH does the same, LOR glances back and forth at them both, nervously eating her pizza. It's silent until.]  
  
TINO: Lucy would've have taken my side.  
  
[TUESDAY, 8:39 AM, TISH walks into her Art Class, and sees CARVER sitting. SHE approaches him.]  
  
TISH: Hey! Carver! How are you?  
  
CARVER: Oh, hi there, Tish. I'm great! Good to see you. I saw you at the video store but I didn't really get to talk, seeing as I was with my new best friends, the popular folk. TISH: Yeah, I saw that.  
  
CARVER: Yep, you know, they're really my type of people. All of them, they've got my kind of way of thinking you know?  
  
TISH: Well, that's good.  
  
CARVER: And, you know, like I said, I would've stopped to chat and you know. asked how people were doing. but seeing as I was with my friends.  
  
TISH (nodding): Yeah, I understand.  
  
[Pause, CARVER keeps glancing at TISH who is looking at her Art syllabus.]  
  
CARVER: You know. so I mean. if you wanted to tell me how everyone's doing now or anything.. I mean you could?  
  
TISH (glancing upward): Well, who were you thinking of, specifically?  
  
CARVER: Oh, I mean, I didn't have anybody in particular. Well I mean.. How's. Tino, for instance?  
  
TISH: He's doing pretty well.  
  
CARVER: Good, good. I wasn't really even wondering, y'know? I just thought I'd ask to be. you know polite.  
  
TISH: Okay.  
  
CARVER: Good, yeah, okay. Alright. yeah. okay.  
  
[CARVER and TISH glance at each other and then give a small nervous laugh which dissolves into yet another very awkward pause.]  
  
[TUESDAY, 2:30, TINO and TISH talk in front of TINO's locker.]  
  
TISH: I couldn't even talk to him! Look what your stupid fighting has done!  
  
TINO: Hey! It's not stupid! Besides, don't you think that maybe if you couldn't talk to him your friendship is over? I mean, if you hadn't seen each other for a while and could talk, that'd be more convincing to me.  
  
TISH: I just wish all this is over. I want Carver back.  
  
VOICE: Your wish is my command. [LOR enters, and with her is a BOY.]  
  
LOR: Greetings all, maybe I introduce. Carver.  
  
TINO: That's not Carver.  
  
LOR: Oh yes, he is. Introduce yourself.  
  
CARVER II: I'm Carver Descartes, I like shoes, and girls and an extreme narcissist.  
  
LOR: Huh?  
  
CARVER II: Oh, I added that point. It's mean I'm vain and too into myself.  
  
LOR: Nah. that's too big a word for Carver.  
  
CARVER II: Oops, sorry.  
  
TISH: Look, he can't be Carver.  
  
LOR: Why not?  
  
TISH: Well, for one thing he's Hispanic.  
  
LOR: Way to be racist, Tish.  
  
TINO: Now, wait, wait, wait. Let's test him. When's your birthday?  
  
CARVER: November 8th.  
  
TINO: When did we meet?  
  
CARVER II: Um.. Oh! Lor introduced us when we were four!  
  
TINO: He's good. When's my birthday?  
  
CARVER II: Um. March. 17?  
  
TINO: Oooh. Sorry.  
  
LOR: Tino, that is your birthday.  
  
TINO: I know, but the real Carver wouldn't have known that.  
  
TISH: Look this is ridiculous! You just got some guy who's first name is Carver!  
  
LOR: No, no, no. This guy's first name is like. Juan or something.  
  
CARVER II: Actually it's Miguel.  
  
LOR: Whatever. Anyways, he's a new kid and since he has no friends he'll pretty much do whatever we say. C'mon, Carver II, let's go get you a better pair of shoes.  
  
[LOR and CARVER II leave.]  
  
TINO: Well, he's done his research. but I don't like him.  
  
TISH: Whyever not?  
  
TINO: I don't know. sure he knows his Carver trivia, yet he's lacking a certain quality.  
  
TISH: It's because he's not Carver. Face it Tino, you miss him.  
  
TINO: I do no such thing! I'm done with him, okay? I'm never going to think, worry, or wonder about Carver again.  
  
[LOR comes running with CARVER II in tow.]  
  
LOR: I just heard from Percy. Carver's been arrested! 


	3. Fried CARP

[TUESDAY, 2:50, TINO, TISH, LOR and CARVER II all stand in front of TINO'S locker.]  
  
TISH: Arrested?!? Carver?!? WHAT?  
  
LOR: Percy just told me he saw Carver getting arrested along with some other kids outside the school! Percy wouldn't lie about that, he has no personality.  
  
TINO: Well, what did he do?  
  
LOR: I don't know!  
  
CARVER II: Hmm. if I know my character. and I think I do. my guess is it's something I did try to make myself cooler.  
  
TISH: Well. I don't think there's much we can find out now, we'll just wait to probably find out tomorrow. I'll see you guys tomorrow.  
  
[They all disperse.]  
  
(TUESDAY, 3:32 PM, TINO walks home, as he does, TINO'S MOM rushes to the door.)  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino! Carver just called!  
  
TINO (bitterly) : Oh, you talked to him on the phone, eh? Erupt into phone sex did it?  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino Terrence Tonitini, I-  
  
TINO: Mom, I told you don't use my middle name. How would you like it if YOUR name was a tongue twister.  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino, Carver's in jail!  
  
TINO: Yeah, I heard. So he used his only phone call to call *you*?  
  
TINO'S MOM: He was TRYING to call you, you idiot.  
  
TINO: Me? But we haven't talked in months.  
  
TINO'S MOM: All I know is what he told me, which isn't much 'cause it was probably very uncomfortable for him to talk to me. He wants Tish, Lor and you to go down to the jail to meet him, while I call his mom and break it to her.  
  
TINO: What'd he do, anyway?  
  
TINO'S MOM: Possession of marijuana.  
  
TINO (sighing): Okay, good.  
  
TINO'S MOM: Good?  
  
TINO: Well. not good. I just mean. it could have been something. Oh just go call his mom.  
  
[TUESDAY, 4:12 PM, TINO, TISH and LOR arrive at the police station. A fat orange-haired cop approaches them.]  
  
FAT ORANGE-HAIRED COP: Lor, what're you doing here?  
  
LOR: Hi! Oh guys, this is my Uncle Manny.  
  
MANNY: Nice to meet you kids. Now what's the only natural born female MacQuarrie in eight generations doing in a police station?  
  
TISH: You're the first female MacQuarrie born in eight generations?  
  
MANNY: We think the MacQuarries might have an excess in testosterone. In fact, when my little brother Hank gave birth to Lor, a girl, we thought he might be gay.  
  
TINO: Lor, how come you never told us you had an uncle who was a cop?  
  
LOR: Well. I have a lot of uncles. You know how I have like fourteen brothers?  
  
TINO and TISH: Yeah.  
  
LOR: Well so does, like, every single MacQuarrie, including my Dad.  
  
TINO: You know, someone should really inform your family about the condom.  
  
MANNY: So what're you kids doing here?  
  
LOR: Well, our friend Carver's been arrested.  
  
MANNY: Black, over-dramatic kid?  
  
TISH: That's him.  
  
MANNY: Yeah, Simmons picked him up a little while ago, said he was tipped off that a bunch of kids at Bahia High would have dope on them, looked like they were right. He's going to have to pay a serious fine, but after that we'll let him go.  
  
LOR: Can we talk to him?  
  
MANNY: Well. Sure, I guess so. Follow me. [Turning to another cop] Yo! Simmons! Someone's here to see the dramatic kid.  
  
SIMMONS: Oh really? Anything to make him stop screaming "Racial Profiling!" This way, kids.  
  
[SIMMONS leads TINO, TISH and LOR to he glass screen with the telephone thing. CARVER'S sitting behind it reading Shoe Biz.]  
  
TISH: Carver?  
  
CARVER: Guys! You got to get me out of here! It's horrible!  
  
LOR: Is that Shoe Biz you're reading?  
  
CARVER: Yeah, last *May's* Shoe Biz.  
  
TISH: What the hell were you doing?  
  
CARVER: I was just helping some people out by dealing, that's all.  
  
TISH: That's all?!?  
  
LOR: Who got you involved with this?  
  
CARVER: Well. Gavin.  
  
TISH: GAVIN? Since when do you help out Gavin.  
  
CARVER: Well. you know. I've been hanging with a lot of different people. You know, Gavin's not bad once you get to know him.  
  
TISH: There's nothing redeeming about a racist, Carver.  
  
CARVER: Well what should I have done? Just had no friends for the rest of my life? What could I do in that position?  
  
TINO (softly): You shouldn't have been in that position at all.  
  
[Everyone stares at TINO, who is speaking in front of CARVER for the first time in months.]  
  
TINO: Carver. I know it was an accident with my mom and you. I'm sorry for estranging you all this time. But why did you do all this?  
  
CARVER: I was cool for the first time in my life. Drug-dealing seemed such a small price to pay. I mean, Tish, if you got to be a famous actress wouldn't you deal some drugs to do it?  
  
TISH: ..No.. of course not.  
  
CARVER: Damn..Well there goes my whole thing.. Look, I'm sorry for everything. God, my parents are going to ground me for like a year.  
  
TINO: Well. we'll see you in a year, then.  
  
CARVER: So.. We're cool, then?  
  
[TINO gives a heavy sigh.]  
  
TINO: Yeah.. I guess so. Not talking to you for months has made me appreciate your antics.  
  
CARVER: See? So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your Mom.  
  
[TINO gives a sharp glare.]  
  
CARVER: But. we don't have to go there. 


	4. Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl  
  
Author's Note: Yeah, this story should probably be rated "R" because it has some. mature elements, if you will. However since it's only part of a longer story in which most of the episodes are "PG-13" I'm leaving it as- is. Although the things in "Birthday Girl" are more sexual in nature, it's not near as bad language-wise as last season's "Seeing Things In Black and White," in fact, no one swears in this one. So if that's your bane, fear not.  
  
[SATURDAY, 11:38 AM, TISH and LOR are at the mall both holding small trays of chili cheese fries. THEY sit down at one of the round, white tables, and begin munching.]  
  
LOR: Hey, do you ever think that guy who sells chili cheese fries feels slighted? I mean, we get these every so often and everything, but more often than not we just go to the pizza place. I'm just afraid we're hurting his pizza.  
  
TISH: Hmm. somehow I doubt that he even remembers who we are.  
  
LOR (in a slightly teasing manner): Now, don't be so sure about that. We've been coming here for years, besides we're not too hard on the eyes. I mean, we would be if you'd get contacts, already.  
  
TISH: Now, now. Tino thinks my glasses make me look sexy.  
  
LOR (softly to herself): Oh, of course. And we must look sexy for Tino, mustn't we?  
  
[TISH, meanwhile, reaches into her bag and pulls out a purple envelope, with the word 'Lor' written on it, she hands it to LOR.]  
  
TISH: Oh, before I forget, this is for you. It's an invitation to my birthday party tomorrow.  
  
LOR: Who sends out invitations a day before the party? Besides you told us about it like two weeks ago.  
  
TISH: I know, but Thursday night it suddenly hit me that parties should have invitations.  
  
LOR: Well yeah but. all the people you invite now will just feel slighted because it took this long to receive an invitation, won't they?  
  
TISH: Hmm. yeah, I suppose that has some logic behind it. But, I mean, I've already given out some invitations, so I can't very well not give out all of them.  
  
LOR: Why exactly?  
  
TISH: Well... I mean... I... I just can't! Well. open it!  
  
[LOR tears open the envelope and begins reading aloud]  
  
LOR [reading]: "Congratulations fair citizen of Bahia Bay. You have cordially been invited to the Sweet 16th Gala of Miss Petratishkovna Katsufrakis. This charming event will take place at 6:00 on Sunday, September 14, 2003, this is actually NOT the day that the esteemed young Miss Katsufrakis turns sixteen; she does in fact turn 16 at 10:28 AM on Friday, September 19, 2003! However, since young Miss Katsufrakis will be in San Diego for a dulcimer concert that day, you'll understand how a party on that day would be impossibility. It is surely hoped that you are able to attend. You may bring a friend if you so desire." [SHE looks up at TISH] Are you kidding with this?  
  
TISH: Hmm. is it not concise enough?  
  
LOR: If concise means 'read-able' than no, it isn't.  
  
TISH: Well, it's too late now, I've already handed most of them out. Oh look, there's Ruby and Percy, hold on I'll be right back.  
  
[SHE grabs her bag full of invitation and heads off in the direction of Ruby and Percy. LOR continues to much on her fries. She is shortly joined by TINO.]  
  
LOR: Hi!  
  
TINO: Hey, [noticing the letter] What's that?  
  
LOR: This? It's the invitation to Tish's party. Didn't you get yours?  
  
TINO: ...No... No, I did not.  
  
LOR: Oh... well... I get to bring a guest. We'll show her!  
  
[TISH returns from handing out invitations.]  
  
TISH: Hey honey [SHE gives HIM a quick peck and hands him an invitation.] Here you go! Well, I'm off to my art class. [SHE grabs the last bite of her chili cheese fries.] Bye!  
  
TINO [while opening his invitation]: Wow, I can't believe one of us is actually turning 16! That seems so... old.  
  
LOR: I just hope she doesn't rub our noses in the fact that she can drive before all of us.  
  
TINO: Oh, come on, Tish wouldn't do that.  
  
LOR: Why not? We all would.  
  
TINO: Yeah. that's true. Oh well, driving's not that big of a deal to me. I just like the mystique of being 16, though. I think there's a less of difference between being 14 and 15 than there is between 15 and- OH NO! AHHH!!!  
  
LOR: Tino?!? What the-? What're you yelling about?  
  
[CARVER shows up and sits down at their table.]  
  
CARVER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Hey T, can I have some of those fries?  
  
TINO: AHH!  
  
CARVER: Okay, okay, I'll buy my own fries. [To Lor] What's with Tino?  
  
LOR: I don't know, he just started screaming!  
  
TINO: Oh god, this is bad! Bad bad bad.  
  
CARVER: Well. at least he's using his words now. What's bad, T?  
  
TINO (taking deep breaths): Okay... okay... Well, see... okay...  
  
LOR: Just spit it out already, dude!  
  
TINO (gives a heavy sigh): Alright.... Well it was during the summer. Back when.....you know...you and I were talking Carv.  
  
CARVER: Yeah...I'm sorry about that, man.  
  
TINO: No, no, no, It's...okay...I'm sorry for getting so upset with you.  
  
CARVER: It's cool, you had every reason to be...You want to hug it out?  
  
TINO: Yeah, okay. [THEY grin kind of sheepishly and give a short 'pat-on- the-back' kind-of-hug.]  
  
LOR: God, you guys, get it a room.  
  
CARVER: Pshh...well, if we do I certainly won't invite you!  
  
[TINO and LOR stare at CARVER.]  
  
CARVER (annoyed): Oh yes, Carver implied he was gay, ha ha, very funny. Anyways, go on, Tino.  
  
TINO: Right, well... It was sometime in July, I think, but I was hanging out with Tish over at my place and we were just...I don't know, cuddling or something, and she was laying kind of on top of me and I had my arms around her and I think we were both facing the TV although we weren't really watching it and-  
  
CARVER: Get to the point, man.  
  
TINO: Righ, and she said something to the effect of "Could anything be more perfect than this?" To which I replied, in a very joking manner mind you, "Well, we could be naked and you could be on me but facing the other direction."  
  
CARVER: Ahh. subtle.  
  
TINO: Right. So, in response to this, she kinda giggles and says, and I quote, "Hold on there, cowboy, I don't want to rush into that yet. That'll just have to wait until my 16th" SO? YOU SEE? I didn't give that any real thought THEN, but it's now clear to me that she's planning for us to have sex for the first time on her sixteenth birthday party!  
  
LOR: But, and I quote, "This is actually NOT the day that the esteemed young Miss Katsufrakis turns sixteen; she does in fact turn 16 on Friday, September 19, 2003."  
  
TINO: Yeah, but this is clearly when she means it to happen. Remember when she told us about the party a couple weeks ago about the party? She mentioned that her parents were visiting her grandfather Nano back in her old country and so she'd be alone? This is clearly when she means it to happen!  
  
CARVER: Whoa, so her parents are just letting her stay home alone and have a party?  
  
TINO: This is Tish, we're talking about. She's the most trustworthy person ever.  
  
CARVER: And yet she's completely breaking her parents trust in the hopes of getting laid. How sweet. So, I'm still confused, what's the problem?  
  
TINO: Well. I mean. Having sex. I don't know what to do in that area. I've never done it before.  
  
LOR: Well, clearly, you shouldn't do it, if you're having these doubts.  
  
CARVER: What are you talking about? There's no problem that can't be made easier by having sex. Oh, I forgot to mention: I've had sex, by the way.  
  
LOR: We kind of figured.  
  
TINO: When?  
  
CARVER: Well it was back when you and I weren't...  
  
LOR: God, don't hug again. [To Tino, a little worriedly] So, what're you going to do.?  
  
TINO: I don't know. if it's alright with you all I'm going to go back home and try to think this out.  
  
[Miserably TINO picks himself up and drags himself out.]  
  
[SATURDAY, 5:03 PM, TINO is pacing across the family room. The door bell and rings and TINO goes to answer it. It's CARVER, TINO struggles to find something to say and suddenly just shouts]  
  
TINO: AHH!  
  
CARVER: Is this how we're greeting each other now? 'Cause call me old fashioned. But I've always kinda liked "Hi"  
  
TINO: Sorry, but I am totally freaking out about this Tish situation, Carver! I was up all night!  
  
CARVER: Well. that's a little odd, considering you just found out about this this morning.  
  
TINO: Really? What time is it?  
  
CARVER [check his watch]: Like. 5.  
  
TINO: Whoa! I thought it was like half-a-day later than that. Man, I've only been thinking about this for 5 hours, seems like a lifetime.  
  
CARVER: Well you know what the say, time slows down when you're. being a weird little freak.  
  
TINO: It's just really a lot to think about, you know? No matter what course of action I take I'm afraid a week from now I'll regret it.  
  
CARVER: Look, let's just sit down and do this scientifically, okay? We'll get a paper and pencil and do pros and cons, deal?  
  
TINO: Well. beats my pacing and sweating plan. Let's do it.  
  
[TINO gets a notebook and pencil and hands it to CARVER, they both sit down on the couch.]  
  
CARVER: Okay. Well. Pro: You get to have sex. Con: You DON'T get to have sex. I think we've solved it already.  
  
TINO: What.? How is 'not having sex' a con for having sex?  
  
CARVER: Wait. what? Cons are BAD things, dude.  
  
TINO: Yeah but they're not bad *alternatives* they're bad repercussions.  
  
CARVER: Oh. I get it, you're messing with me. Look, I know I'm not as smart as you or Tish but I at least know repercussions are like drums and cymbals and things.  
  
TINO: Well. nothing gets past you. Look, I think I'm going to go ahead and scrap this whole 'Pro-Con' plan, if it's quite alright.  
  
CARVER: Fine, but we were on a roll.  
  
TINO: I hardly call two things a roll!  
  
CARVER: Yeah, but it was like two things in about a second. A pro and a con, no less. Anyone can just come up with two cons. But it takes a cunning genius to be able to see both sides of the situation like I do.  
  
TINO: Your con wasn't a con! Your pro wasn't a pro, either. If your topic is the same thing as one of your pros, you're NOT dealing with a pro.  
  
CARVER: Pshh. I know you're not a pro, you're an amateur and that's why we're having this ridiculous conversation!  
  
TINO: What? You're not making any sense!  
  
CARVER: Aren't I? Or am I making so much sense I just blew your mind?  
  
TINO: That's ridiculous.  
  
CARVER: Is it?!? Or is it so completely sane that you're struggling to comprehend it?!?  
  
TINO: You really should stop this, Carv.  
  
CARVER: SHOULD I?!? OR IS IT, PERHAPS, ME THAT IS THE ONLY HOPE OF RESTORING SENSE TO THE WORLD?!?  
  
TINO (sighing to himself): Why does everything seem to be so god-damn difficult?  
  
CARVER: Because of people like you, Tino, because of people like you!  
  
[SUNDAY, 4:31 PM, TINO is in his room, fixing his hair for TISH's party. There's a knock on the door and TINO'S MOM enters.]  
  
TINO'S MOM: Tino?  
  
TINO: God! Mom! I'm just going to a party, what's with all the third- degree?!?!?  
  
TINO'S MOM: What? This is like one of the first times I've talked to you all day, anyways, Lor is here.  
  
TINO: Oh. okay, send her in.  
  
[TINO'S MOM leaves and LOR comes in, she's dressed slightly "up" for TISH's party.]  
  
LOR: Hey, Tino. So have you made up yo-  
  
TINO: WAIT! SHH! Is my Mom anywhere outside the door?  
  
[LOR peeks her head out and looks out into the hall.]  
  
LOR: Uh, no dude, the cost is clear.  
  
TINO: Okay, good. Now, go on?  
  
LOR: Right, okay. Well, I was wonder if you've come to any sort of decision yet about the. ..Tish thing...  
  
[TINO gives a heavy sigh and sits on his bed.]  
  
TINO: Well, I've been thinking about it a lot. One of the things that helped me actually, was that conversation I had with you. Remember back when you were sleeping with Thompson? I think I made a lot of good points, and I seem to have trouble totally convincing myself to listen to them, because this time it's me that's involved. I mean, on the one hand, it's supposedly the most pleasureful thing ever? It felt good when you did it right?  
  
LOR [sighing]: Well, Yeah... not the first time... but... over-all... yeah.  
  
TINO: Right. But I mean. Sex is a big step, and I just don't want what happened between Thompson and you, to happen to me and Tish. You don't think it would, do you?  
  
LOR: Well, I don't know. I guess I don't think so, anybody who knows you as well as Tish does...or as well as I do... Could ever want to hurt you like that.  
  
TINO: Thanks, Lor, that's nice of you to say. [HE takes a deep breath] But if I'm this unsure...I don't think I should do it.  
  
LOR: Yeah, I think that's a good plan.  
  
TINO: Mmkay...Well the party doesn't start for a while. You want to just hang out until we have to leave for it?  
  
LOR [smiling]: Sounds good!  
  
[SUNDAY, 6:04 PM, TINO, LOR and CARVER are walking down the street headed towards TISH's, all three are holding a present.]  
  
CARVER: So, now that you've decided not to sleep with Tish, how do you plan to turn her down when she asks?  
  
TINO: Do you really think she's just going to ask, "Tino, can we have sex?"  
  
CARVER: No, I think she's just going to assume you want to and thus will begin the process herself. Actually rejecting her actions is a lot more offensive than rejecting her request to perform said actions.  
  
TINO: Hmm......... I guess I just figured she would wait for me to make the first move, and then let me do it. I never even considered what you said! Man, this is just so complicated. Maybe I should just let her have sex with me if it makes this easier, I can't really put up a fight against her if push came to shove. I mean, is there anything wrong with that?  
  
CARVER: Well. technically speaking that sounds like she'd be raping you.  
  
LOR: Look, if you don't want to have sex you just need to say "No!" Don't be such a woman, Tino.  
  
TINO: I'm not being a- Actually, you know, I really am. You're right! I'm the man in this relationship!  
  
CARVER: So to speak.  
  
TINO: If I don't want to have sex, Damn it, I won't!  
  
CARVER: Right on, Tino! (quietly to Lor) Ten bucks says he caves and screws her.  
  
LOR (whispering): You're on.  
  
[SUNDAY, 6:10, TISH'S HOUSE, The party is in full go, TISH, dressed in a form-fitting dress, is talking to NONA.]  
  
TISH: No, no, I didn't invite you as a last minute! I just didn't think of the invitations until late!  
  
NONA: Are you sure?  
  
TISH: Yes! God, you're like the eigth person to ask me that! Why doesn't anyone believe me?  
  
NONA: Well... okay, well good party! [SHE walks away, PERCY approaches her.]  
  
PERCY: Um. Tish.  
  
TISH: Yes, Percy, I meant to invite you!  
  
PERCY: Oh. okay.  
  
[The doorbell rings, TISH rushes to the door and answers it.]  
  
TISH: Greetings and Salutations, welcome to the Gala- Oh, it's you guys. Hey!  
  
LOR: Hey Tish.  
  
TINO: Happy Birthday!  
  
CARVER: What's a gala?  
  
TISH: Thanks for coming you guys! Um, Lor, Carver, help yourselves to any food or anything, and Tino [She engages him in a long slow passionate kiss. CARVER grins and watches, LOR eyes them contemptuously and heads towards the drinks.]  
  
TINO: Whoa! What was THAT for?  
  
TISH (softly): Just a hint of what's too come.  
  
[SHE gives him a little wave and joins LOR by the drinks.]  
  
CARVER: Well, one things for certain. She's definitely still planning on having sex with you.  
  
TINO: Yeeeeep.  
  
[SUNDAY, 11:29 PM, The party is ended, and only the TINO, TISH, CARVER and LOR remain at the party. TISH and LOR are clearing away wrapping paper, TINO is clearing off dishes. CARVER sits on the couch eating some cake.]  
  
LOR: Great party, Tish.  
  
CARVER: You said it. I haven't had cake in like forever!  
  
TINO: Carver, wasn't it your dad's birthday like two weeks ago?  
  
CARVER: Yeah! And two weeks without cake is just insane!  
  
TISH: Well thanks you guys. Thanks again for the dulcimer CD, Carver, and the new paint I'd been wanting, Lor. Um, you know though. I think Tino and I can handle the cleaning-up duties from here on in. It's getting late, you guys should head home.  
  
[CARVER and LOR glance at each other and then at TINO.]  
  
CARVER: Okey-dokey.  
  
LOR: Sounds good to me. Laterdays!  
  
[LOR and CARVER leave. A few seconds later CARVER pops back in and takes the last of the cake.]  
  
CARVER: For the road.  
  
[HE then leaves. TINO and TISH are now alone.]  
  
TINO: So, um, you want me to give you a hand with that wrapping paper?  
  
TISH [grinning]: No, I think I got it under control. Hey, you know, I never opened your present.  
  
TINO: Oh, no, you're right you didn't. You want to do that now, then?  
  
TISH: Sure!  
  
[THEY both sit down on the couch. TINO hands TISH a rather large present.]  
  
TINO: Oh first, here's the card. [HE hands it to her. She smiles and opens it.]  
  
TISH [reading]: "Let me not to the marriage of true minds, Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved." [SHE looks up, teary-eyed at TINO.]  
  
TINO: It's, um, Shakespeare.  
  
TISH [nodding]: Yes, I know. It's one of my favorite sonnets- [SHE bursts into tears.]  
  
TINO: Tish.  
  
TISH: Tino, I love you so much.  
  
TINO: Oh. those are good tears?  
  
TISH: Yes, they're very good tears. [SHE hugs him.]  
  
TINO: Well...You know, you haven't even opened your present yet.  
  
[TISH wipes away her tears, nods, and begins to open the present. It is revealed to be a picture of a swan in a lake. TISH stares at it.]  
  
TINO: Remember? It was like months ago, we were walking by that antique store and you saw this painting and you said it was like one your grandmother had back in the old country?  
  
TISH: This...this must have cost you a fortune... I can't believe you did this.  
  
TINO: Well... I mean, it's your birthday. You deserve something special.  
  
[TISH turns to TINO, tears streaming down her face, and smiling broadly.]  
  
TISH: So do you, Tino. Do you remember, a couple months ago, I told you that my sixteenth birthday would be when I was ready to have sex...?  
  
TINO: Yes... I do.  
  
TISH: Well... [HER smile broadens.]  
  
TINO: ...Tish, I can't do this. I... I just feel we're a little young to be doing this.  
  
TISH: You... I mean, I would have thought you would be-  
  
TINO: I know... I just...I don't want to risk hurting what we have, you know?  
  
TISH: We've been going out for more than a year! Do you have any idea how amazing that is, compared to other couples our age? What could possibly hurt us so badly?  
  
TINO: I don't know. Look, you said you'd be ready to have sex when you're sixteen. Well, I mean, I'm not sixteen yet, I still have six months until then...And maybe I'll be ready then, but...now, I'm just...not.  
  
TISH: Tino, that's okay. I completely understand. It was like back when we were twelve and I was the only one who wasn't into guys yet, everyone gets ready for things at their own rate.  
  
TINO: I'm so glad you understand! I was worried you'd be mad!  
  
TISH: How could I be mad? The last thing I want to turn into is one of those sex-obsessed evil boyfriends from movies on Lifetime.  
  
TINO: Oh, I know! Did you see the one on last night where that girl got raped! I could totally feel her pain, she was so br. [HE slowly trails off and sees TISH looking at him with her eyebrow raised.] Um, yeah, so...you haven't seen my testicles anywhere have you?  
  
[MONDAY (This is a three-day-weekend), 10:29 AM, CARVER and LOR are all at the pizza place waiting for both TISH and TINO to show up. TINO walks up to them.]  
  
TINO: Hey guys!  
  
CARVER and LOR: WELL? DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?  
  
TINO: Nope!  
  
[LOR holds out her hand to CARVER who, grumbling, hands her ten bucks.]  
  
TINO: Tish and I discussed, and we both agreed that sex is not something we'd rush into. We both said we'd discuss the issue again at my sixteenth birthday.  
  
LOR: Well, alright. I think that's really moral of you.  
  
TINO: Thanks!  
  
CARVER: So...she gave you head though, right?  
  
TINO: Well, of course.  
  
[CARVER holds out his hand to LOR who, grumbling, hands him back the ten bucks.] 


	5. Brawn of the Operation

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, this took about 18,000 years didn't it? Sorry about that. Um, btw, I called the school Petrone High, after Padre Petrone, the guy who founded Bahia Bay....But I've also heard him called "Padre Pedro"... So.....idk.]  
  
[SUNDAY, 12:42 PM, LOR and TINO are in the park. LOR is tossing a football around to herself, TINO ties his shoes.]  
  
TINO: I still don't know how you talked me into playing a game football with you guys.  
  
LOR: Relax, Tino. The teams are fair. Carver's slightly above average in athletic skills, Tish is slightly below. Meanwhile I rule all and you well... you're better with numbers and stuff.  
  
TINO: Math? You're giving me math?  
  
LOR: Don't sweat it, Tino.  
  
TINO: I don't even like math!  
  
LOR: So, anyways, even though the teams should work out fairly, I still wanted to get in a bit of practicing before the game, because...well, you *are* Tino.  
  
TINO: Right. So, what do you want to practice first?  
  
LOR: Let's try to work on your kicking first. I'll hold the ball down here, and you come running up and kick it, okay?  
  
TINO: Alright.  
  
[LOR kneels down and holds the ball like a center, TINO goes back a ways, then comes running towards the ball. As HE begins his kick LOR swipes the ball away and TINO falls flat on his back.]  
  
TINO (groaning): Good grief.  
  
LOR (laughing): Sorry, I always wanted to do that.  
  
[SUNDAY, 1:28 PM, TISH and CARVER are in a huddle, with TINO and LOR cheering and mocking from a distance.]  
  
TISH: Okay, we've got 2 minutes left on the timer and we're down by one point. We make the touchdown, we win the game.  
  
CARVER: I still can't even believe we're losing. We're facing TINO for god sakes.  
  
TISH: I know, but Lor is really really good.  
  
CARVER: I don't care how good Lor is, she shouldn't make up for Tino. I mean he's just bad.  
  
TISH: All the more reason we have to win this game then, and it just so happens that I have a cunning strategy.  
  
CARVER: How come you never let me come up with any cunning strategies?  
  
TISH: Tell you what, you give me an example of when you've been cunning. Ever. And I'll let you think of strategies.  
  
CARVER: All I know is that your strategies are clearly not doing us a shitload of good.  
  
TISH: Do you even have a strategy?  
  
CARVER: ...No.  
  
TISH: Alright, then. Okay, here's what we do. I start off with the ball and you go long, except not long, just sort of medium.  
  
CARVER: So why didn't you *say* go medium.  
  
TISH: Go medium doesn't make any sense.  
  
CARVER: Makes more sense than saying something you blatantly don't mean.  
  
TISH: Anyways you go *medium*. I'll make it look like I'm going to pass to you so Lor will hang back and cover you, if you can sort of get in her way I'll make a break for the end zone.  
  
CARVER: That's your strategy?  
  
TISH: Yes.  
  
CARVER: I don't know that I would call that "cunning." It's more or less extremely straight-forward.  
  
TISH: Hey, what do you want from me? Football's not my sport.  
  
CARVER: ...What is your sport?  
  
TISH: Well...I'm not bad at mahjong.  
  
CARVER: Oh, ha ha. I get it. Let's make up words so that Carver can look like an idiot when he doesn't know what they are. Real clever.  
  
TISH: ........Let's just play.  
  
CARVER: Well, wait, wait. We've taken care of Lor, what about Tino?  
  
TISH (laughing): Who cares? It's Tino. [Loudly, for LOR and TINO's benefit.] READY? BREAK!  
  
TINO: About time! We had enough time to drink tea or something over here!  
  
LOR [to Tino]: Tea or something?  
  
TINO: Yeah, I know. But what am I supposed to say?  
  
LOR: Trash talk is not a tricky concept. Just claim to have partaken in inappropriate activities with a family member! Or better yet claim *she*'s partaken in inappropriate activities with a family member!  
  
TINO: I can't do that! It's Tish!  
  
LOR (somewhat bitterly): So?  
  
TISH [calling over]: ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO SHUT UP AND PLAY OR NOT?  
  
LOR: Just throw the ball, four eyes.  
  
TISH: Wow! Since when can you count to four?  
  
CARVER: Woohoo! Cat fight!  
  
TISH: What? Lor and I are just jokingly fighting, it's not a cat fight.  
  
CARVER: Yeah, I know. But I was hoping that by shouting "Cat fight!" it would push it over the edge to be an actual cat fight. ...Clearly this was a mistake.  
  
TISH: Alright, look, we're going to start this play now! Ready? HIKE!  
  
[CARVER goes *medium* and to the left where LOR immediately tails him, during this TINO picks up a stick and tosses it to his right. TISH then heads right and towards the endzone, SHE's almost there when she trips over the stick. The ball goes flying right near TINO who picks it up, tosses it to LOR who runs in the direction of the opposite end zone, CARVER struggling (and failing) to catch her. TOUCH DOWN TINO AND LOR!]  
  
TISH: Ow! Tino! You threw that stick there on purpose!  
  
TINO: Well, yeah, you were so obviously heading in that direction.  
  
CARVER: Ha! So much for your cunning strategy, Tish.  
  
TISH: It was genius, whether you admit it or not.  
  
TINO: So, Lor, what prompted this football game idea of yours?  
  
LOR: Well, my oldest brother Ryan-  
  
TINO: I thought Kirk was your oldest brother?  
  
LOR: No... I think he's, like, third. Anyways, Ryan just signed with the San Diego Chargers!  
  
CARVER: Whoa, you have a brother in the NFL? That's so cool! It's going to be like cheer-leader central for him!  
  
LOR: Anyways, because of that, I've decided to join the football team, so I thought it might be good to get in a friendly scrimmage.  
  
[TINO, TISH and CARVER all look at each other.]  
  
TISH: Um...Lor...You know that there's no girls football team. It's kind of exclusively a male sport.  
  
LOR: Of course I know that. But hey, Women's Lib, right? Besides, playing football seems a little but more practical to me then burning bras.  
  
CARVER: Look, I'm all for Women's Lib. I think we should Lib the heck out of'em. Yet, there's just some things that aren't feasible for a girl to do. Just like there's things which a guy couldn't do it. Guys get things like football, girls get to wear dresses.  
  
LOR: I've walked in on you in a dress like twice though, Carv.  
  
CARVER: IS THAT NEVER MENTIONING IT AGAIN?!?!?!  
  
TINO: Look, Lor, don't get us wrong, we know you're good and all... But the guys out there are going to be bigger than you, a LOT bigger than you.  
  
LOR: I'm not afraid of any guys. Do you want to go right now?  
  
TINO: No, quite frankly you scare me.  
  
CARVER: Yeah, but you can't go by Tino, a strong wind could blow him over.  
  
TISH: Besides, what makes you think the coach will even let you try out?  
  
LOR: What's with all this pessimistic stuff? I know I can do this. You'll all see. I can't wait to see your crushed faces when they announce that Lor MacQuarrie is the newest member of the Petrone High Panthers!  
  
TISH: Lor? What are you talking about? We're your friends, of course we *want* you to make the team.  
  
LOR: Oh...well.....good then.  
  
TISH: Well, all this has been fun and all, but I've majorly got to do my Biology homework.  
  
TINO: I thought you were taking Chemisty, not Biology this year?  
  
TISH (laughing): Right, why would I stop doing the homework just because I'm not taking the class anymore? Seeya everybody.  
  
[TISH leaves.]  
  
CARVER: So, who's up for another game? Tino and I versus Lor?  
  
TINO: I don't know if I have enough time for that, I sort of put off my homework too.  
  
CARVER: You got plenty of time. It's only 1:57... WHOA! 1:57! There's porn on Cinemax in three minutes! Later days!  
  
[CARVER sprints away.]  
  
TINO: Oooookay. Well, there goes that. I guess I'd better go too, Seeya Lor.  
  
LOR: Hey, Tino, wait-  
  
TINO: Yeah?  
  
LOR: Well, I mean, that move you did with Tish, stopping her from scoring without actually doing anything physical...Did that just like....come natural?  
  
TINO: Well...Um...I guess so.  
  
LOR: Well, the thing is. I mean, I know I run faster and throw and kick better than everyone else...But as far as strategy goes, I got nothing. Do you think you could maybe coach me on it?  
  
TINO: Oh...um...Sure, I guess. I'd think Tish would be better at that kinda thing, though? I mean, she's the A+ student.  
  
LOR: Yeah, but remember that IQ test we took last year? Technically you're smarter. Besides, I think I'd rather work with you, anyways. [SHE grins nervously.] We made a good team today, didn't we?  
  
[SHE gingerly touches him on the arm. TINO turns to her, THEIR eyes lock.]  
  
TINO: Yeah...We did.  
  
[THEY're silent for a moment. Suddenly TINO clears his throat.]  
  
TINO: Right, so, sure, yeah, um.... I gotta go. I need to finish my homework before my date with Tish tonight.  
  
LOR: Oh...you're going out with Tish tonight? That's cool. Seeya.  
  
TINO: Yeah, seeya.  
  
[HE leaves. LOR picks up the football, and suddenly punts it with all her might. The ball goes flying and SHE leaves, not bothering to find it and pick it up.]  
  
[MONDAY, 3:30 PM, Patrone High Football Field, COACH PILKINS is talking to a group of boys.]  
  
PILKINS: Okay, listen up, as you all know, Toby Johansen, our star quarter- back has been forced to leave the team to go under heavy treatments for his slew of venereal diseases.  
  
LAIRD: Woo! Go Toby, macking on every senior honey.  
  
DIEGO: Laird. it's not funny, Toby's really sick. he may die.  
  
LAIRD: Yeah, but I mean, if you're gonna die the way to do it is getting a disease from Stacey Nicholson, am I right?  
  
PILKINS: Anyways, our second string quarterback is Laird Princeton, and since he's only on the team because his father owns my building, and he really just sucks-  
  
LAIRD: Hey! One of my Father's stipulations was that you never mention the contract aloud!  
  
PILKINS: I'm going to begin try-outs for a new quarterback..  
  
PERCY: Hey Coach. what about me, the third-string quarterback. Shouldn't you just use me?  
  
PILKINS: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.  
  
PERCY: But Coach.  
  
PILKINS: Percy! You know perfectly well you're on the team to be the kid the team picks on in the lockerroom so it's not Laird.  
  
LAIRD: Yeah, loser!  
  
PILKINS: Anyways, I've been scouting the gym classes. and I came across our most promising candidate. He's a Freshman and thus we never considered him because Freshmen are of course banned from having any sort of enjoyable life at this school. This is Mikey Ramirez. He's actually tolerable. and our best shot. So, everyone say hello to our new starting qua-  
  
FAMILIAR FEMALE VOICE: Not so fast!  
  
[LOR MCQUARRIE arrives on the field. The team stares.]  
  
LOR: I'd like to try-out.  
  
PILKINS: Um. You're clearly an airhead since this is FOOTBALL try-outs. So I'm guessing you're here for cheerleading? Well, that's Miss Alvarez' thing, not mine. although you look a little flat to be a cheerleader so I hope you don't have your hopes up. (turning back to the team) Anyways, as I was saying-  
  
LOR: Um. no. I'm trying out for football.  
  
PILKINS {turning back): Oh my god. I'm sorry.. Are you just one of those feminine looking guys? Damn, I feel bad now. I guess that explains why you're flat.  
  
LOR: EXCUSE ME, I AM A GIRL! And, would you quit with the flat comments? I know my tits aren't as big as YOURS, Coach, but that doesn't give you the right to make these comments. Anyways, I'm a girl and I want to play football. Now, assuming that you were going to get all sexist on me, I brought along these. {She hands him two letters.}  
  
PILKINS: What are these?  
  
LOR: Can't read? Not surprised. Anyways, these are letters of recommendation from both Coach Ned Collsen from Bahia Middle School, and Coach Hank McQuarrie from UCBB. Both football coaches, both saying how good I am.  
  
PILKINS: Your name's.. Lora McQuarrie?  
  
LOR: Call me Lor, but yeah.  
  
PILKINS: So, this Hank McQuarrie? He's your father?  
  
LOR: Yeah.  
  
PILKINS: Ha, this is making sense. Your father's probably always wanted a son to follow in his football footsteps, which he must have played really well if he's a college football coach, but he had a daughter and now he's pretending she's got some skill so she can play. Pathetic. Well, I'm not gonna have any butch dyke on my team, thankyoverymuch.  
  
LOR: Um. no. Actually, I have 16 brothers. and four of them, Josh, Mike, Danny and Kyle are ON this team, you moron. They're RIGHT there.  
  
PILKINS: My god! You're their sister? Damn... Mike's the best center we've seen in ages, and I can't think of a full back as good as Josh McQuarrie...  
  
LOR: Exactly... now... considering some of the comments you've made about me. I think there's a good chance they're pretty pissed.  
  
PILKINS: They... haven't said anything.  
  
LOR: They're not exactly the verbal types... But take a look.  
  
[Sure enough, half the team is holding back four big red-haired youths who are fiercely trying to get at the coach.]  
  
LOR: Now, let me try out, and I'll call them off.  
  
PILKINS: Fine... Next week, you and Ramirez here will compete, the winner will be the quarterback... Happy?  
  
LOR: Yep. Okay, boys, sit.  
  
[JOSH, MIKE, DANNY and KYLE all become docile and sit back down.[  
  
LOR: Good brothers. [She turns and leaves.]  
  
[FRIDAY, 4:32 PM, TINO and LOR are throwing the pigskin back and forth, TISH and CARVER approach]  
  
CARVER: There you guys are. Now look, if you two stop right now I'll forget the fact that after school you didn't immediately go to the Pizza place, as we have every day for the past 16 years.  
  
TISH: The past 16 years? Carver, I'm the only one of us who is 16. The rest of you are 15.  
  
CARVER: Yeah. but, we were going there in the woumb.. Ooh, Woumb Pizza. I gotta suggest that to the pizza guy.  
  
TINO: Look, sorry guys. I was just helping Lor with her football. She's got those try-outs on Monday that she wants to be sure to be ready for.  
  
CARVER: Yeah, you were helping Lor with football. That's like saying I was helping Tish with her homework, or that Lor was helping me pick out cool shoes. Or Tish was helping you..... Um..... Be all... afraid of stuff.  
  
TINO (laughing slightly): Yeah, well, rest assured I wasn't helping her with the athletic side of things...Just kind of helping her with strategies, and stuff like that. We're about finished... Let me just throw a few more.  
  
CARVER: Lor... I don't know why you're bothering with all this practicing. You just gotta compete with one guy, and he's a Freshman.  
  
TISH: You know, I really don't care much for all this Freshman insulting that goes on at school. We all had to go through it last year, and it doesn't make us feel good? Why do it now?  
  
CARVER: Sweet, sweet revenge. It's no biggie, they'll do it to the following Freshmen, and so on. Come on, I mean, being a jack-ass is what high school's all about.  
  
TINO: I gotta say, I'm with Tish on this one.  
  
CARVER: There's a surprise.  
  
TINO: No, I'm serious. I th-  
  
(TINO has thrown a bad pass, as he was not paying attention, which hit Lor square in the chest.)  
  
LOR: OW! OW! BROKEN BOOB! BROKEN BOOB! (She starts hopping around, clutching her breast.)  
  
TINO: Wow. Can you even get a broken boob?  
  
CARVER: I don't know. but I'd love to be the doctor to take care of that.  
  
TINO: Haha. You said it!  
  
(They high five. TISH clears her throat in an annoyed tone.)  
  
CARVER: What? Oh, you're not jealous that we're talking about Lor's boob, are you? (In a placating tone) Tish, don't be like that. You know yours are bigger.  
  
(TISH rolls her eyes and walks away. CARVER looks at TINO.)  
  
CARVER: What is it, her period or something?  
  
TINO: You're really an idiot, you know that?  
  
LOR: Look, I think I've gotten enough practice. I'm just gonna kick the ball a few times, you guys go ahead and get us a table at the Pizza place, Okay?  
  
(TINO and CARVER nod and walk away. LOR begins to set the ball in place when she sees MIKEY RAMIREZ, her competition, practicing too. LOR senses a perfect opportunity for some confidence-lessening trash talk.)  
  
LOR: Hey there, Freshie? Still practicing.  
  
MIKEY: Yeah.. I'm so nervous. I mean, I've always been one of the better football players in my grade, but.  
  
LOR: Well, yeah, to be a Freshman on a Varsity Football team is amazing. However, our school has a notoriously bad football team. So don't be too concerned.  
  
MIKEY: You know your brother? Rob? He's in my grade, and he's always going on and on about how good his big sister is at sports.  
  
LOR: Wow! Rob said that? He's a pretty good football player, himself.  
  
MIKEY: I know. He's probably the best Freshman quarterback, not me. But, he wouldn't compete against you. Now, I'm a little intimidated too. You see, my older brother Tony was the captain of the football team too, when he was in school.  
  
LOR: Wait? Your brother was Tony Ramirez? My brother Ryan went to school with him! The two of them took this school to the only championship they ever won in football!  
  
MIKEY: I know. I'd give anything to be on this team. Well, I'd better keep practicing. Good luck on Monday.  
  
LOR: Yeah. you too.  
  
(SHE walks away, sighing)  
  
LOR: Ohh. Right in the feel bads.  
  
(SHE leaves the field, glumly.)  
  
(FRIDAY, 4:52 PM. LOR walks into the pizza place, FEETZA, TINO, CARVER and TISH are already there, enjoying a foot-shaped pizza.  
  
TINO: Oh, there you are. We saved you a quarter.  
  
LOR: Thanks guys.  
  
TISH: You look a little down? What's wrong?  
  
CARVER: You're not nervous about Monday, are you? I don't know why you would be, you're like. the definition of a tom-boy. No way are you not gonna make it, even if that Coach guy IS a sexist, you're going to be so good he'll have no choice but to pick you.  
  
LOR: Well.. It's just.... I don't know  
  
CARVER: I'm a serious. You're just one step below those bodybuilder woman in toughness.. Give it another few years, and you'll be on par with them. Don't sweat it.  
  
TINO (shuddering): Those bodybuilder women freak me out... I don't know how anybody finds real athletic women attractive.  
  
(This comment hits LOR hard, and aids her to make a decision.)  
  
LOR: I've decided not to try out.  
  
TINO, TISH and CARVER: WHAT?  
  
LOR: Well... this other kid... Mikey Ramirez... I was talking to him just now...And I don't know.....I think he deserves to make it. He's gotta follow in his brother's footsteps with football, and I mean... I play every sport BESIDES football.  
  
TISH: Wow, Lor, that's really sweet of you.  
  
TINO: Yeah, that's really cool.  
  
CARVER: You moron! He's just messing with you! God, if I was good enough to join the team I woulda owned that guy.  
  
(MONDAY, 3:30 PM, Football field, the whole team is there, including COACH PILKINS and MIKEY and LOR)  
  
PILKINS: Alright, let's get this started. McQuarrie versus Ramirez for the place on the team.  
  
LOR: Wait. I've changed my mind. I'm not gonna try-out. Let Mikey on the team.  
  
MIKEY: Wow. Really?  
  
PILKINS: Good that you've known your place. Alright, I guess that means Mikey Ramirez is our new quarterback. Alright. that was fun. I'm going home, practice tomorrow guys.  
  
(Everyone leaves, except LOR and MIKEY.)  
  
MIKEY: Did you do that..... because of what I said?  
  
LOR: Well... Yeah... sorta.  
  
MIKEY: HAHA! SUCKER! I PLAYED YOU LIKE A FIDDLE! FRESHMAN REVENGE! FRESHMAN REVENGE!  
  
(HE runs away laughing. LOR talks with the grayed out background.)  
  
LOR: I guess the moral of the story is. Don't do the right thing. because other people might not be.. Hmm.. Not a very good moral. Oh well. Later Days. 


End file.
